Kyla ponders the decision to have a second child
Recently, I have begun to think about the age old question that every parent under goes. Do I want to do this again and have a second kid? At least age old since the production of birth control. So as any good parenting blogger would do, I decided to air out all of my anxieties about having a second child on the internet. So without further ado, here are all the questions I am thinking about in one sub-section of my brain for the past month or so.
So a little background. The past few years, my obsession has been to buying a place in the Greater Vancouver area. A lofty goal at best. Until that goal was achieved, the thought of having a second child didn’t enter my mind. I wanted a stable home for my kid(s). So last January, we purchased a two bedroom + den, two bathroom townhome in New Westminster. Horray! However, it was a new build so it wasn’t ready until last November, moved to January, moved to finally a completion date of May. So until May of this year, we were living in my parents itsy bitsy suite in the back of their house. Not ideal for having another baby. But May arrived and we moved in. The deadline I had set in my mind for thinking about having a second kid had been reached. But as the next step in my plan became a reality, I became gripped with anxiety and worry instead of enthusiasm. So here are my points for and against having a second child as I try to aerate the anxiety out of my head.
POINTS AGAINST HAVING A SECOND CHILD
1) The world is a dumpster fire
So any woke person in the world would have to agree that the current state of the world is a dumpster fire. Climate change (being ignored), neo-nazis, islamophobia, increasing spread between the 1% and the rest of us, I mean, I don’t really have to list them all right? The world is in an awful state. Do I want to bring (another) child into this world? It probably won’t be an easy road even though we live in a super privileged part of the world. My rationale for the first kid was “Yes, 99.9% of the people in the world are idiots but we need some smart, good, people too if we are going to save the planet and mankind.” But do we really need another?
2) Pregnancy sucks
Being pregnant blows!!!!! Oh, I’m sorry. #Blessed. My first pregnancy wasn’t too bad in comparison to the horrors of other people’s pregnancies. I should be thankful that I am even capable of becoming pregnant (I think). That being said. I think I gained 20 pounds in my first trimester alone, let alone 50 pounds overall. My bodies reaction to all the hormones was “let’s get as fat as possible!”. I had horrible heartburn my whole pregnancy (apparently a genetic trait, thank you French-Canadian side of my family). Plus, you can’t drink or move easily. My back and hips got all fucked up. You know the drill. Pregnancy sucks.
3) The first three months suck
Oh sorry again. #Blessed. Newborns suck. They are little and helpless and of course yours is cute. But the lack of sleep, the engorged boobs. I don’t really have to explain it to you if you have been through it. I like to compare it to Vietnam by calling it “the Shit”. Hey, you survived “the shit” congratulations! I also had severe post-partum anxiety, that led to mania, that lead to hospitalization (for another blog post). I’m surprisingly not too concerned about this this time around. I’m medicated, I understand what to expect, and I already have things in motion with the Reproductive Mental Health department at Women’s. But the lack of sleep will be inevitable, which lead to my issues last time. So its a bit of a concern.
This, to be honest, is the biggest concern. We have a mortgage now. Which is a lot scarier for some reason than rent. Jamie and I make about the same amount of money and probably a 1/3 of our paycheques go to our mortgage. Plus we have other bills obviously. People should have told me about 10 years ago, that getting a Ph.D. doesn’t mean you will be making amazing money, I could’ve saved myself about 13 years of schooling. Although, I am extremely grateful for maternity leave, #Blessed, Maternity Leave EI ain’t so great. I don’t get a top-up through my work. So money will be tight and to be honest we will probably have to go into debt a bit to make it through. I just got myself out of debt (except student loans of course) for the first time in my adult life. I was a poor, broke, student until now so I don’t really look forward to returning to worrying about money. But it will be worth it right?
POINTS FOR HAVING A SECOND CHILD
1) Hunter will have a sibling
Having siblings is an experience that I would like Hunter to have. I have two younger sisters and although I was always screaming at them to get out of my room when I was a teenager, I appreciate them now. My middle sister is helpful when picking out clothes. My youngest sister can make a mean drink. See? Very valuable siblings. Also, only-children are kind of weird. #Notallonlychildren. I have friends that are only-children and they are wonderful human beings, even if they are a bit weird. 😛
2) Someone will play with my child other than me
I like playing with Hunter. However, if I have another kid that means about 2 years after I have it, they may be able to occupy each other. Unfortunately, they will be four years apart. I had wished them to be closer together but life didn’t work out that way. I’m not saying I don’t enjoy playing hotwheels and legos with my kid. But it would be nice to have another answer to “Mama, play with me!” that isn’t “Why don’t you watch youtube?”.
3) They will help support each other after I’m gone
I guess this is a little early to be thinking about this but one day I will die. It could be tomorrow, but hopefully not. When I’m gone, if I have two kids, they can be a built-in-support system for one another. Yes, everyone can make their own friends. But family is always there. Plus if I have two kids one of them is bound to take care of me when I’m old right? Unless I really fuck this parenting thing up.
4) Babies are cute
Once you survive the “shit” of the first three months. Babies are pretty cute. Although I found maternity leave to be dull AF and my brain slowly seeping out of my skull, babies make it worth while somehow. I love my son very much, and it would be cool to love another kid just as much. Dang, if babies were uglier it would make this decision a lot easier. Damn you evolution making babies cute so parents don’t abandon/eat them!!
Alright, I’ve aired out my thoughts. I don’t really feel better. I’ll probably just have another kid because the positives seem to out way the negatives. The points against, are mostly fear-based which is not really the way I’d like to make the decisions in my life. But uuggh pregnancy is going to suck!