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Fail

Literally.

Today I learned that if you ‘lug-a-rug’ to the carpet cleaner you save 20% off your rug cleaning. I also learned that you should not have a wool shag-rug in your living room if you have a vegan chocolate lab who likes to eat any meat and dairy she can get her greasy paws on when she thinks you have left her for the evening and she gets all sneaky and shit and uses her invisible opposable thumbs to open the compost. Continue Reading

Tales of an un-wed children’s book author

Peaks & Harbours

Excuse me while I stray a little from the retelling of an adventure and give it to you straight. I was inspired by Carina’s recent DIY fail post, in which she outlines how her current project truly wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Well, that was the last week of my life, one giant DIY fail… If you stay with me on this, I swear there’s a point.

It started on Wednesday morning. After a day of successful meetings on Tuesday, I was riding pretty high thinking this was going to be a very productive week. But Wednesday had other plans. An email came in from a potential job opportunity setting-up a Skype meeting, and questioning if the link on my personal website was supposed to be there or not. Link on my website??? I had no idea what he was talking about. So I checked.

I will spare you the details, but let’s just say that the link under my search bar and above my main menu promoted a sexual activity that I do not condone, nor do I provide links to on the website I use to promote my children’s book author career (or anywhere else for that matter). I emailed the guy that alerted me to the link — No sir, I wasn’t aware that was there, thank you for letting me know… now about that Skype meeting. Yeah.

Not only was it awful, but I also had to fix it immediately because I was doing a book reading at a local elementary school the next day. I wasn’t really down with the kids going home and Googling me at that point. F%$K Wednesday. Carina told me that we’d laugh about it at some point, and I’m pretty sure she was laughing already. I know her emojis were 😉

So Wednesday was me on the phone with my Web-Hosting company for 4 hours and then another 6 when the image links on the Peaks & Harbours site starting breaking and all you could see on the homepage were turquoise bars and question marks. This was the day before P&H was featured on Salt Spring Coffee. Nightmare. In the madness, I started to question a lot of what I do as a “hobby” — wondering what is worth all this stress, the hours on the phone with men in the middle of America who don’t want to help me unless I feign ignorance (even though I’ve been developing WordPress sites since 2009, thank you, and yes, I do know what CSS is)… That was Wednesday.

Thursday. Now back to the book reading. The first reading went really well, great questions from the kids, a lot of want-to-be authors in the audience. It’s always fun to have an engaged crowd when you read because when the kids don’t want to be there it’s very evident. I assumed the second reading would also go just as smoothly as the grade one’s began to pile on to the library carpet and their buddy readers took their places behind on chairs. I always start with saying hello to the little ones up front to break the ice. This group was crammed right up to my feet, and eager to get started. One little girl looked me over right away.

“Are you married?” She asked.

“Ummm… No, I’m not.”

“But you have kids.” (Statement).

“Yup, I do, I have two little boys.” I scanned the crowd, watching them sit down.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” Her classmate asked.

“I have a partner, so I am not single, if that’s what you mean.”

“Is he really your boyfriend, but you just call him you partner because it sounds better?” Another little boy piped in.

“Well…” I don’t know why I engage in this, but it happens all the time with the 6-7 year-old crowd. “I call him my partner because that’s what he is. We live together, so he’s not just a boyfriend.”

“Do you want to marry him?” The little girl started in again.

“Yes, I do, but it’s not a priority because weddings are expensive and I’d rather travel.”

She squinted at me, and I braced myself for whatever she was going to say next, praying the teacher would take this time to introduce me and put an end to this conversation.

“You should go to Kazakhstan, where I’m from, because the man pays for the whole wedding there.”

Oh man. I couldn’t help but smile. They weren’t judging me for being an un-wed mom, or for having broken image links on my site, or promoting graphic adult content… they were trying to get to know me and offer me some advice. I laughed after, thinking of retelling the story to Carina, and how she’d get a kick out of it. The sting from the previous day started to fade.

The rest of the day went amazingly well. We took chalk outside to the playground and drew messages in balloons (it has to do with my book) — it was gloriously sunny, the librarian bought me a sandwich for lunch and I ate it knowing that since my partner was out of town, I could suffer on the toilet in peace later after eating the bread, and the kids were some of the most connected little people I’ve ever met.

So the lesson in all this, if you are still reading, is that I am not afraid to share my DIY fails anymore. In fact, I hope to do a lot more of it.

Peaks & Harbours